The Muse is IN Blog

Make it Easy: Breathe

Breathe in vitality, Breathe out Art

SELF-KINDNESS - A Realistic Approach

Being a recovering perfectionist, I am intimately familiar with the inner tyrant. Perfectionism is my creativity’s evil step-sister and robs the joy of who I am and what I do.... if I'm not equipped with a strategy. Those are big crimes in the realm of being a creative seeker. My inner tyrant committee (cuz there are several) likes to regularly remind me of total mess-ups from my past, how I sometimes squander my time away, and what an organization Neanderthal I am (I hope I haven’t offended an Neanderthals).

I figured out how to be free from her looping oppressive ruminations and party-pooping but it’s a little different from much of the self-help gristle you’ve heard, so stay with me here unless you’re enjoying the harassment.   Making a change has to be done in a realistic way or it will stick as well as throwing a basketball at a refrigerator.

I've read the self-help books that tell you to stop being mean to yourself, heard the talks, perused the inspirational quotes ... but nothing really gave me any method I could truly believe in, or that resonated with who I am. Just telling us to stop cold-turkey is wildly unrealistic but that's what they do.

 

I want to share what I figured out for myself because I know most of you are hard on yourselves and when we are hard on ourselves, we are hard on others too. This is my contribution to world peace.  I'm sure this is not an original philosophy, it's a little of this, a little of that, and a pair of new socks.

 

See if this works for you:

1.  Here’s the reality: As humans we often come with this feature: Looking for what’s wrong. It’s a primitive survival function but we still need it when roaming the back-streets of Detroit, eating food that’s made of crap, or sensing someone is not rallying for our best interest. It also helps at the end of a creative project when we need to be appropriately discerning … but the inner tyrant operates over-time, bonking us on the head with disapproval, judgment, and a lot of sarcastic “REALLY?s” It’s related to the Tasmanian devil in terms of creative destructiveness. It’s also fascinating and would make a great character in a movie.

2. Why fight with reality? Using your energy to stop “stinkin’ thinkin,” (oo, what an ugly term), censor your critic, or tell it to fuck off is using energy you could be using to create something else (I’ll get to “something else” in a minute). Plus when you are censoring, fucking off, and alienating - you are doing that to yourself. Your inner critic IS a part of you, SUrPrISE! Review: Self-love is needed for creativity.

 We need all parts of ourselves for creating – the shadows and the light. We can still love ourselves and accept there are some parts of ourselves that we aren't fond of . Accepting that we DON’T love all parts is a lot like compassion. (I’ll explain more about that conundrum in a minute). In new age circles, I think this saying is dumb: “You can’t afford the luxury of a negative thought.” WE THINK NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. WE ARE HUMAN. I believe this phrase, “What you resist, persists.” Resist the inner critic and she persists and brings in her friends, relatives, flying-monkeys, and jet-packs.

3. Something else: Create art, writing, contentment, whimsical gardens, fantastic dinners but first create a realistic, small-step approach to acceptance and compassion. Here’s how it works REALISTICALLY:

When you catch yourself beating yourself up, pause. Say to yourself, “That’s interesting, I’m beating myself up again. Oh well, I’m human we do those things.” DON’T TRY AND STOP IT.. that’s resisting! Sometimes for me that’s enough to neutralize the tyrant.

4. Accept. You don’t need to accept that you’re a self-beater, but you’re with yourself quite often, so experiment with accepting that you do beat yourself up sometimes and you DON’T like that. We perfectionists think things need to be perfect, that we need to LIKE everything we do … we don’t. But when we ACCEPT that what we do isn’t always the way we want it, life is a lot easier. This is a way not to resist, suppress or deny our tyrant, it neutralizes it. We aren’t perfect… YAY. How boring to be perfect.

5. Interesting People in Your Club (for sensitive people like me): I used to think I needed to abandon places, groups, and events if there was someone I didn’t like there. I almost left my favorite Toastmasters club because a woman in it doesn’t like me, she will never like me, I’m not that fond of her either. We don’t need to like everyone nor do we need to even try to work things out… takes too much energy we need for the people and activities we love. The club has actually become more interesting now that I stay despite that fact that she makes it clear she doesn’t like me. It’s now full of freedom and rich layers of character.

The club inside my mind has a resident tyrant, I don’t like her either, but she can be there if she wants because now instead of being controlled by her or repressing her, I’m curious, fascinated, and not under her dictatorship. I hear her talk, tell her "Thanks for sharing" and then I engage my Muses (explained in #6). I accept that not all parts of me are likable, some are annoying but interesting, just like my Toastmasters "friend".

6. The Creative Voice  But there’s another important step. This one is vital. After the awareness of the tyrant,
after the acceptance and the inclusion of this part of you, summon up your kind and creative voices. These are the voices I call Muses because they inspire creativity. Say to yourself things like:

• You may not be perfect but your damn interesting.
• It’s okay, I’m always here for you.
• So? Next!
• Or anything you might say to your best friend or a gifted creative child.

Say these things CONSTANTLY. Write them on notes, put them in pockets, schedule a future e-card, ask yourself: "How will I remember this?". The only way they will stick is through repetition and ...

8. Making it Realistic

What makes this more realistic? Expecting small steps toward these things works better than making a big change when you’ve spent years cultivating your tyrant and this is how you do that: Accept that you are someone who has a tyrant just 5%, just crack the door open to the possibility. No need to be okay with your tyrant just accept that you’re human and have one. Going for a 100% acceptance will just not work and you’ll have a tendency to give up on the practice completely.

 

Ask: What would it feel like to be more accepting of myself? JUST ASK.. no need for an answer in the moment. Your subconscious will start finding an answer, and the more you ask it, the more you just might find that you are just effortless gravitating toward treating yourself better.

7. Buy Yourself A Comfortable Pair of Socks

It’s a symbolic gesture, feels kind, and you deserve them. You're enough just the way you are. Is your inner critic poo pooing that last remark? So? Be enough anyway.

 

(C) 2018 Jill Badonsky

So What, Sketch it Anyway

Ever feel intimidated by other writers, artists, musicians, or dancers to a degree of despair or paralysis? Me too.

I ventured into travel journaling on my trip to Scotland a few weeks ago. I did this despite fears of messing up the pages of my newly acquired Field Artist 6.5 in. x 6.5 in. Square Watercolor Journal, Hardbound with 80 pgs. 200 GSM, Cold Press Paper.

Those fears came partially from looking at other people's travel journals and KNOWING mine wasn't going to look like theirs.   

Well duh. 

1. Most of those people have been sketching on trips for years. 
2. Why would I want my art to look like everyone else's?
3. I teach about how to avoid the toxicity of comparison, but I'm only immune when I realize it's insidious nature has snuck past the guards standing at the entry way to my mind. I caught it JUST IN TIME not to be thwarted. I have tools. Comparison has been neutralized. Stay calm.

AND I DID mess up a few pages. Turns out I was okay with that. Tolerance to imminent blunders was the ticket to moving pass avoiding the whole experience of venturing into the scary waters of trying to render buildings, events, people [yikes!] and me sleeping on the plane right there in the exalted moment, bringing that moment more alive than is possible when snapping a photo - and practicing (because I'm not perfect at it) loving myself despite not flowing in my usual area of adequacy.

 

That's another reason people avoid these life-deepening episodes that could turn them on to an endeavor that makes their life more juicy: They fear inadequacy, but common sense tells us we must go through inadequacy before we find sporadic quality. Only a handful of people have a hall pass for instant talent and those people STILL need to practice. 

  

One of the most popular fears in the creative process is: "I won't be good enough." 

So, here's a thought. Don't be good enough. Use that illustrious imagination you have and give yourself permission to make your first journal part of an installation in a modern art museum.  Call it Floundering Sketcher With Her "Interesting*" Travel Journal

That's what I did and it worked. I even had myself a peanut butter s'more during one of my sessions. Let's put all our first sketchbooks in that exhibit and celebrate that WE DID SKETCHED DESPITE OUR FEARS. (And drew a blind contour Americano which made it fun.) 

If you have permission to show-up no matter what... you WILL get better. It's a mathematical reality.

*my mom used to called my art "interesting" as a way of being nice because she didn't get it. Not everyone is our audience and that's okay too.

Here's one of my favorite replies to fear's claim,
"You're not going to be good enough:

 

"So?"

[In my best snotty adolescent voice, fear hates that]

 

Vincent van Gogh knew:

"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,'

then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."

 

1. I actually liked my sketches more than I thought I would, placing me in that, “I’m-glad-I-did this-cuz-I-almost-chickened-out-and-now-I have-cool-mementos-of-my-trip-that-I-would'nt-have-had-and-I-want-to-do-this-again mode:
   
2. Many of them didn't suck.
3. But I love the ones that suck anyway....because it's good practice for the inevitable ones that will suck in the future and the writing that won't be that good and the ukelele playing - well, that's never very good... among the sporadic masterpieces.

 

 .

 

Sketch Guru and prolific author, Danny Gregory describes how wonderful it is to sketch when you travel:

“When you sit and draw something, all of your senses are on. Study Notre Dame for half an hour and you will never forget it,.  Draw the plaza outside St Paul and it will be seared into your brain cells. Not just the sights but the smells, the sounds, the temperature, all of it.  While I draw, I am experienced life in super high definition.”

I will be speaking about:

1. These and other tools,
2. Experiences in exalted creativity 
   
3. More sketches, blunders, tangents, Bermuda Triangles, castles, and epiphanies at Sketchkon in Pasadena in November.
4. Join Danny Gregory, Austin Kleon, Jane LaFazio and a whole slue of other amazing artists and inspirational souls.

 What about you? How do you show up when you're intimidated?

  

Edinburgh, Jazz Bar August 30 

Rumi will Gently Lead You to Your Creative Passion

When I was a miniature muse, I was a wild child -- rarely disciplined by my parents to be or do anything in a certain way. Perhaps, they were afraid of me because my real mom was Ruler of the Amazons and dad was Zeus… Oh wait, that’s not me, that’s some wondrous bracelet-wearing woman. But I was an imaginative and willful imp who liked to do things my way, which is not rare in the land of creative kids. Maybe you were a wild child too and that’s why we get along so well.
 
My parents kinda gave up.
 

The good news is because of the no-discipline-thing no-supervision thing, wolves raised me. Dang, that wasn’t me either, that kid hung-out with a bear. I wish! Back to the good news: I didn’t experience the limitations that came from parental discipline.
 
In fact, I had to figure out myself how life worked which, although a little lonely, made me ruggedly independent, boldly confident, and comfortable with owning many of my imperfections – which is a form of freedom I’m grateful for and encourage you to try if you’re trying to defend being perfect. It came from experiencing frequent errors involved in the trial and error of trying to figure out how to maneuver through life; either you learn acceptance or live under a bed (dust bunnies don't like that).
 
The bad news is, with no opportunity to develop internalized discipline, the shoulds, have-tos, or directives from myself to show-up were (and still are), met with rebelliousness because as a wild creative child I had the words, YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, stamped on my forehead. That means I was the one I was rebelling against most of the time, I was my own worse enemy and it was a struggle to get to my creative passions. It’s not anymore because I don’t tell myself what to do anymore.
 
Despite lack of discipline, I did stuff I’m really proud of like designing three trainings, writing and illustrating four books; having a body of art work; writing and performing a full length one woman show; writing creative speeches; helping a myriad of people use an original approach to creativity coaching, and playing two and half songs on the ukulele.
 
It’s not about being perfect, because some days I rebel against having to do anything, and I know that’s okay because acceptance is freedom
 

Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.

~Rumi

 Rumi:
 I let myself be silently drawn to the things I love. Rumi, of course, is right. Being drawn to what I love IS a stronger, more enticing and therefore more effective than pressuring myself do things. Instead of discipline and following the often rigid directions that many claim to be the only way to succeed, I find that focusing on what I love about what I do makes showing up effortless.  What we focus on becomes our world.
 
Focus on your procrastination, resistance, and inability to show-up, focus on what others are doing and you’re NOT doing, focus on not feeling good enough, that becomes your world too. And if that’s been your usual focus, it’s going to take a little ruthless practice to shift.  Love is often the answer, and it is in this circumstance too. “Only love can truly save the world.” ~ Wonder Woman said that and here’s how I want to translate that for you – love will save your creativity. Practice loving your creative call, before, during and after answering it. Make love toward what you do as much of a skill as the sport of writing, art, and living.
 

• What do you love about your creative passion? Ask that, close your eyes, and see how many things you can conjure up. 
• How can you show up for yourself with love?
• How does your creative call love you? (suspend logic all you literal thinkers).

Ask those questions without needing an immediate answer and watch what happens.
When we show-up with love not only is the process sweeter, we are likely stay longer and perseverance is in the top three qualities of successful (and content) creative people.

 

Parallel Universe Time Mondays! FREE
An hour every Monday at 8 am pacific/11am eastern to get to your creative work or anything you've been putting off. This is a sacred, grounding time where we hold the space for each other to focus. It's been happening for nine years now. No charge. All are welcome  Save this link and show-up whenever you like:

Join from your computer or tablet: https://zoom.us/j/632116972 (cameras are off)
Or iPhone one-tap :
US: +16465588656,,632116972# or +16699006833,,632116972#
Or Telephone:
Dial(for higher quality, dial a number based on your current location):
US: +1 646 558 8656 or +1 669 900 6833
Meeting ID: 632 116 972
International numbers available: https://zoom.us/u/cQ40oRm5e

Peace of Mindfulness and Car Alarms

 

“Peace comes from within.  Do not seek it without.” ― Gautama Buddha
 
 “The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.”  

 “But a true and accurate measurement of one’s self-worth is how people feel about the negative aspects of themselves.”
― Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
 
  
 
Hi Creative Friends,
 
 
Yesterday, blissfully positioned in pigeon pose, (my favorite yoga asana), a car alarm went off in my neighborhood.
 

BLEeeHK! BLEeeHK! BLEeeHK!

 
It kept going ON AND ON so I decided to try the practice of Tonglen. Here’s an explanation from the great reference guru, Wikipedia:
 
Tonglen is Tibetan for 'giving and taking' (or sending and receiving), and refers to a meditation ... In the practice, one visualizes taking in the suffering of oneself and of others on the in-breath, and on the out-breath giving recognition, compassion, and succor to all sentient beings.
 
So I breathed in the car alarm: the annoyance, intrusion, and the suffering of sound pollution, and breathed out peace and serenity to all living things.
 

And you know what?
It didn’t work a bit. Not tong bit.

 
So I went into a practice I’ve adopted and modified according to my own quirky  needs: Mindfulness with a Creative Twist.   Basically, there are times we can’t reframe, find the silver lining, or accept things with grace in their annoying, troubling form. It’s unrealistic and uses up a lot of energy we could be using for our creativity, plus, thinking we can overcome certain annoyances in life often creates indigestion and gas unless you’re an enlightened one, which you very well may be. I’m not. Do you have indigestion and gas? Read on.
 
If I've done all that I can to make a change toward the annoyance, the pain, regret, ineptness, or  gas then I gracefully accept that I don’t like disturbing noises and that's okay. Life is always pleasing and as a recovering perfectionist I sometimes still think it should be until I remember I can’t fix everything to rainbows and unicorns, it’s unavailable as an option in this life. That’s where my mindfulness frees me, it's kind of a Buddhist thing.
 
Here’s how it looks:
I have high sensitivity to noise (and a whole host of other things as many of you creative people do too). I’m unable to realistically tune-out or accept the noise of car alarms, dogs barking, inconsiderate people talking loudly on cell phone, and leaf blowers. When I accept that they annoy me, I have more peace. It's the salve of common sense. 
 
At first my mind can’t even wrap around this idea because I had the habit of going into radical annoyance, chronic crankiness, and “why is the world so unfair?” As I practiced accepting that I don’t have to like these things  it began to neutralize the experience. Now after a few years of practice, I actually smile because it feels like a triumph to have found a solution. (Notice it doesn't work overnight, like anything creative it takes perseverance and practice ... and it doesn't have to be perfect).
 
I also apply it to things that break like favorite ceramics, illusions, and my heart; people who don’t like me, when I'm wrong, losing constantly at Words with Friends to Linda Mushka, the way the world can be so cruel, and any other problem that tries to steal my joy. I share it here in case it might work for you too. We need our energy for our creative passions.

Creativity Out There in the Cyberland:


Draw something soothing: 

Tap your keyboard and make music

Seeing Eyed Dogs for Love Blindness

Dog caught in the wake of a wish on a dandelion

Hi Creative Friends,

"I believe when you stand in the middle of the driveway and wish upon a star for a handsome prince, you get bit by a mosquito and your mom tells you to come in and get a sweater." ~Me at 10 years old

I just recently had my heart broken. All the red flags were there, but ... you know ... love being blind and all. I needed two Seeing Eye Dogs for Love Blindness like the ones below. (They are blind memory drawings because I love how it looks when I draw without looking, it frees me from having to be perfect like I was expected to be in that relationship).

 

I need to look closer before I give my heart but when I take a risk and it doesn't work out, it's fodder for my first love - creativity. Out of the broken heart emerged these seeing eye dogs for blind love ^, (I drew big noses on them so they could sniff out the imposters including myself), this funny speech, a blues song I quite fancy (lyrics available upon request), and a renaissance of creativity as I returned to my own authenticity -- which, despite my tenure as a self-help author, I compromised.

And yet I am still a hopeless romantic, I still believe in princes, I'm still nine years old in my heart. I never want to lose the innocence and imagination that goes into wishing but at this age I know that if those wishes don't come true, or if the idea doesn't translate, if the result of sharing my work does live up to my wish, if I don't get the writing residency in Taos... I'll be okay. I'll wake up and create again. I'll love again. I'll laugh.

I'll write and even dance.

In the creative process we create more than the writing and the art. We create ourselves as more powerful beings. I've built my tolerance muscle in the creative process for Things Not Turning Out As I Wish - and that muscle now applies to life and saves me from sinking in a quick sand of despair. I don't pretend to be happy when things don't work out, but I can accept that I don't have to always like it when that happens, life is full of loss and pain. And grace and joy.

I shall go to Scotland in August and visit the castles ....

“Love is a circular emotion that surrounds you, like a hug. Or a noose.” ― Jarod Kintz

“My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.” ― Dora J. Arod

“I run like I have cirrus clouds for legs and rainbow knees. What is life, if not a marathon of love?
” ― Jarod Kintz  

It's Monday: Thought You Could Use a Hummingbird

When you are convinced that all the exits are blocked,
either you take to believing in miracles or you stand still like the hummingbird.
The miracle is that the honey is always there, right under your nose,
only you were too busy searching elsewhere to realize it.
The worst is not death but being blind,
blind to the fact that everything about life
is in the nature of the miraculous.
~Henry Miller, Miraculous kind of an enlightened writer guy

 

Concerning that quote up there^ by Henry Miller? If you want it right under your nose, it's in the front of my book, The Nine Modern Day Muses (and a Bodyguard).

I found it important enough to put there because reading it shifts my entire existence ... sort of like a miracle does ... kind of like imagination can ... certainly how inspired thinking will when I remember to apply it to my life.

When I forget about the creative powers we have, I am convinced the exits are blocked:

The exits from heartache, the endless inner-loop of the blathering high-pressured commands, or irritable anxiety about the current destabilization of our country. The exits from growing old, from all the mistakes I made, from the constant inner taunting of "I'm not enough" are blocked... But they're not.

There's a door that opens the same time our mind does. EXACTLY. Time it.

When I pay attention to all I have and all I am right now, I can to choose to do what I love, instead of feeling forced to do anything in any way... period. I can defy the trance of never feeling enough and experience the bliss of enough.

When I pay attention to the flight of the hummingbird, the purr of the new kitten, the way the soundtrack in a movie transports me to a mood, the way a mood moves me to a poem, the way a poem heals my pain, and the way caramelized onions taste so much better than the grilled ones, I am in concert with the little miracles of being alive which is much better than staring at the graffiti on the doors I've perceived closed.

The creative mind gifts us with defining miracles however our we choose and in doing so, being in constant wonder instead of chronic crankiness. Creativity is a miraculous antidote to the craziness in the world.

And all it takes is a question: What's one small step I can take next in my passion and can I do it without putting a lot of pressure on myself because it's the pressure that leads to resistance)? Okay, that was two questions and some parentheses.

Or have a five minute tryst with your creativity's passion - see where it leads.

Albert Einstein said, "There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle."

What would it feel like to believe just 5% more in the miracle?

Some interesting links:

The Miracle of Paying Attention

The Magic of Perseverance Elephant-style

 Workshops and Trainings

 

It's Monday, Do You Know Where Your Strange Jewels Are?

 

Hi Creative Friends, 

Elizabeth Gilbert writes:

“The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them.”  
 So this, I believe, is the central question upon which all creative living hinges: Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?”   
 

When I sit with that quote for a moment, maybe even close my eyes and imagine strange jewels waiting to be found, I become eager to take a step in my writing. I know I have the courage, but I get stuck with all the mental games my blocks rally around so that step needs to be tiny or like a defiant child, I won't take it.

 

If I berate myself for not showing up sooner or if the step is not broken down so small it's hard not to do it, chances are I'll resist, procrastinate, crumble into disappointment and eat a lot of cashews. This does not beget more diligence. I'll check Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, email and repeat - ad infinitum and then not respect myself for the time that will never be again.  I don't think to myself... "Ack, too much pressure, I think I'll swerve to the hollow reward of immediate gratification," I just do it because it's a habit and feels familiar.

 

I now have new habits that lead to more creative contentment and productivity.

 

I remember to show-up for with the small step of simply opening a document or setting up my space for art supplies.  Or I take a walk and daydream about what next step I could take. Those are my habits. Making it mechanical makes it enticing and easy. Trying to motivate myself with the thought, "I shall now create a masterpiece like no other" make it intimidating   The rest takes care of itself because I've started a very low pressure momentum and am so dazzled by the possible strange treasures to discover, that I stay and unearth them. 

 

What tiny mechanical step can you take to start a treasure bound momentum? 

Nurture your creativity. Here's a 45 minute workshop from Mother's Day.

Click here to download

Click here to listen on your computer

 

Creative Call + Deep Longing = Overcoming Resistance

 All sorts of subterranean dynamics ranging from messages we received in early childhood to our concentration hijacked habitually by fixations with media and the refrigerator are stealing our time and rendering us creatively pissed.  I either have to abide to my creative calling or be cranky. It's a law. 

Creative call + do something to answer it = content, generous, kind, energetic, cordial, witty, insightful (at times, grandiose)

Creative call + ignore/avoid/resist it = cranky

 Kahlil Gibran said: There is a space between man’s imagination and
mans attainment that may only be traversed by his longing.

• Evidently longing is important for traversing big spaces. 
• How's your longing doing?
• Does it need to be longer, deeper, more nourished? 
• Take a moment now, (I'll wait), and recall why you were drawn to the whatever endeavor you may not be getting to as much as you'd like. What was the allure in the first place?
• Write it down, obsess about it, think about it constantly. (For the next several decades)
• This question works in marriage counseling -- creativity is like a relationship:
  What drew you and your creativity together in the first place?
• Remember what it feels like when you're in that timeless, ageless flow with your creative passion. You can do this while showering, walking, feeding the cat, or shaving. 
• Or other activities work as well. 
• This exercise ramps up your longing.
• Evidently longing is important for traversing. 
• Simply ask: What would it feel like to render distractions useless by ramping up my longing?
• You may need to tweak your focus, your approach, your technique just a tad so it best matches up with what would spark a more passionate devotion. 
• Remember what has worked in the past- it has treasures, strength, and proven successes handy for application to the present.

  

Kaizen-Muse Creativity Coaching