Back when Thor first drew a bison on the wall of his cave with torch soot, he was pretty impressed with himself. He pointed to it so Troshe, his woman, would notice and be proud, or … maybe turned on. He didn’t then go to Instagram to upload a snapshot of the sketch (#bison) and while scrolling, notice that across the savanna, Vilk had already drawn a bison and in fact, had rendered it larger and better than Thor’s, causing him to feel discouraged, envious, and maybe even so despondent he didn’t notice the saber tooth tiger ready to devour him. He just remained encouraged and then maybe happily added a horse. “Good Thor!” say Troshe.
The visibility of what people are creating, accomplishing, and happily experiencing is in our face more than it ever has been in any other time in history. We can see what everyone is doing, and it sets up the perfect conditions for feeling imperfect.
When comparison ensnares me in its grip of toxicity, I have learned to add a bit of mindfulness to get untangled from its claws.
Here are four of the things I do when I catch myself feeling crappy due to comparison but one of the most important parts is catching myself, because comparison is insidious, habitual, and a big part of our culture:
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Embrace Being Human: Say to myself, “Aha! I am comparing myself again. We do that as humans.” Comparison comes with being human, I’m not alone. This mindfulness act makes me an observer, a witness rather than a victim. Normalizing our common humanity often calms our concern because when discomfort comes with who we are as a tribe, it doesn’t feel so personal.
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Practice one of my favorite mantras:
“So what, I’ll do my thing anyway.” It’s sounds a little bratty and it is, but bratty can actually be an agent of transcendence, resolve, and courage to plow forward. Saying “So what?” when I see someone I perceive as surpassing me, reframes the reaction to, “Yeah, they’ve done something I probably can’t do/aren’t doing (yet), but I’m not getting my knickers in a twist about it. I’m on my own path. Then I might add, “There are many things I’ve done that I CAN celebrate.” We often go into amnesia when we see the work of others, forgetting we have done some remarkable things ourselves.
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Go Low:
Max Ehrmann’s in Desiderata says, “If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” The ego is the part of us that gets vain and bitter when it sees something it interprets as greater than ourselves. The ego is fear-driven and often subject to irrational, lower consciousness thinking. So sometimes to satisfy its bottom feeding, I secretly experiment with comparing myself to someone who just started out or who seems to be on the wrong track simply to mollify my ego’s arrogance. This works in a slightly off-handed, tongue-in-cheek way, but that can be enough to get me out of the evil vortex of feeling less-than so I can contribute something productive to the world which is a way to rationalize this as a higher intention. -
Go High:
Practice what is know in Buddhism as Mudita or sympathetic Joy which means being happy for others: If it’s a new concept, it works best to expect just 5% or asking yourself how it would feel to be happy for someone rather than envious … without need in an answer.Another way to stay ‘high” is instead of separating myself from others by listening to the ego say, “Look what she did and you didn’t,” I say, “Look what WE did.” The thought, “look what we did as women, creative people, artists, writers, or humans,” unifies us instead of keeps us separate, competitive beings. Funny thing is, the subconscious doesn’t know I’m not talking about me and fills with a satisfaction of accomplishment that motivates me to keep moving in my own process. Add to this the Buddhist concept of “Mundita” or sympathetic joy which is the practice of feeling joy rather than competition for people who are doing well. If it’s a new concept, it works best to be realistic and expect just 5% of feeling more joy or asking yourself, “How it would feel to be happy for someone rather than envious?” … without need in an answer.
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Comparison is the alienation of oneself. It taints our desire to continue the expression of who we are in our own way. The next time you feel comparison’s disenchantment, give one or all of these antidotes a try and see if you can return to the adventure of who YOU are. ~Jill
The Taos retreat and KMCC Certification Training are Full but there ARE a few places in my Creativity Walk in Italy with The Blue Walk Tour!
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